Emotional Roller Coaster Of The Loss Cycle

The break-up of a relationship is the 2nd most traumatic experience we will go through after the loss of a loved one.

And Swiss psychologist Elizabeth Kuble-Ross developed the loss cycle, showing the 5 emotional stages of grief we pass through after the break-up of a relationship.

These 5 stages of the loss cycle are also the exact same stages of grief we go through after the loss of a loved one.

A big part of your life is now over and we need to grieve the loss of the breakdown of a relationship by working through these emotions and not pushing them away despite how painful they are. This is very important.

The emotional recovery of a break-up is different for everyone and you may find yourself bouncing from one stage to another, some may go back and forth meaning you may visit some stages more than once, and some can even become stuck in one stage for a while. But all this is normal, and it takes time and support to heal and recovery, and work through these stages.

• DENIAL – This is the stage where we say things to our self such as, “I can’t believe it’s over”, “This isn’t happening”. It’s a common defence mechanism and a temporary response. It gives us false hope. It also postpones the pain and the need to grieve, as it’s too painful for us to face.
• ANGER – This is when we have come out of the denial stage and reality kicks in. You may experience hate, white hot rage, resentment, righteous indignation and a strong feeling for revenge. All this is normal. The anger can also empower you making you realise you deserve better, and remembering that you matter. The anger could also make you experience emotions such as fear of the future, envy and persecution.
• BARGAINING – this is the stage where you try to hold onto the relationship and will do anything to save it, fix it, even if it means going against your own morals and values. You take on the whole responsibility as to why the relationship didn’t work out by saying you will be more this or more that. You may even bargain with a higher power. It’s a very traumatic stage to be in.
• DEPRESSION – This stage is when the real reality of the relationship break-up starts to kick in. You start to isolate yourself from others, have a lack of interest in things you used do, your sleeping and eating patterns change to too much or too little, you may turn to alcohol or take drugs, you may stop getting dressed and looking after yourself. This is a dark time.
• ACCEPTANCE – This stage is when you have come to terms with the break-up. You may have regrets but can live with them. You’re no longer stuck in grief. It’s time to start redesigning your life. Moving towards and focusing on the future.