Notice: My therapeutic practice is currently closed to new clients as I train full-time to become a high-conflict family lawyer. Please see my homepage for the full update.
Professional Note for Legal Employers & Firms
As a future high-conflict family lawyer, the clinical expertise detailed on this page provides me with a sophisticated framework for managing complex family law litigation. In severe custody disputes and divorce proceedings, substance abuse and behavioral addictions are rarely isolated issues—they are frequently the symptoms of deeper trauma bonds and long-term learned helplessness. Recognizing these underlying dynamics allows me to bring advanced risk management, protective client advocacy, and strategic psychological insight to the table, ensuring that hidden operational risks are fully addressed in court.
The Psychology of Addiction and Learned Helplessness
People with addictions never feel they are enough. They feel disconnected, fearful, and struggle with what’s called “Learnt Helplessness.”
Learnt Helplessness consists of encodings in their minds from their formative years. An example of Learnt Helplessness is a child learning during their developmental years—between the ages of 0 and 7—that it’s not alright to have feelings and emotions, to be heard, or to stand up for themselves. This teaches the child that love, respect, being heard, and having their needs met are simply not available to them—hence the Learnt Helplessness.
The Root of Internal Conditioning
Failing to receive love and have their survival needs met by their parents or caregivers, the child begins to learn and believe that there must be something wrong with them.
As the child mentally and emotionally withers, the belief that there is something wrong with them turns into believing, “I am bad” and “I am unlovable.” This later develops into deep-seated beliefs like, “I should be punished” and “I should punish myself.”
Not only this, but the child also learns that “people aren’t there for you” and “you can’t trust people.” As a result, the child shuts down and begins to isolate themselves.
How Childhood Programming Drives Adult Behavior
These beliefs become the child’s hardwired programming, which they carry with them into adulthood. They play these recordings over and over again in their minds, affecting their everyday life and their ability to deal with situations similar to their unresolved childhood trauma.
This leads the person as an adult into needing therapy, or even forming an addiction, as a way to regain control over that deep sense of helplessness. It is an attempt to move away from their pain (such as stress, anxiety, and depression) and toward pleasure (such as feeling calmer or happier)—or even to avoid having a complete nervous breakdown.
The addiction becomes their way out and a way to feel connected again. Sadly, this will only ever be a temporary fix. Once the addiction becomes a permanent part of a coping mechanism, it becomes a severe problem.
The Mechanics of Change
This is where coaching and therapy with myself come in. It works incredibly well to support people breaking free from addiction, especially when a person is ready to change what they attach pleasure and pain to.
Our minds are designed to move us toward pleasure and away from pain. If you believe your addiction gives you pleasure and that being without your addiction will cause you pain, you will naturally struggle to stop. It is only when your addiction causes you more pain than pleasure that you will create new habits, and then the addiction stops.
The Different Forms and Functions of Addiction
Addictions come in many forms, including:
- Shopping and social media
- Sex and pornography
- Alcohol and drugs
- Gambling and computer games
- Food or comfort eating
- Chronic overworking (workaholics)
No matter what the addiction is, it serves a specific role, function, and purpose in the person’s life: helping them to numb their emotions, avoid pain, and constantly move toward a state of pleasure instead.
For example, the addiction of comfort eating distracts, suppresses, and dulls undealt emotions, allowing the person to avoid psychological pain. Similarly, workaholics constantly keep busy to distract themselves from their reality, trying to give themselves a temporary sense of pleasure, purpose, and a feeling of being whole.